So, it took a grand total of 10 whole days for me to fail at my commitment to blog every day for the rest of the year. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. Probably an unrealistic goal in the first place I suppose, but I’m one of those odd types that has to see the end, or at least set a goal that points toward the end, before I really start moving. I’m in the same boat right now as I get ready to head into the studio this Spring to make a new record – I’m busy finding all SORTS of projects around the house to finish rather that sitting down to finish a song. The truth is, I’m finding that blogging is sort of similar to writing songs in that there’s a certain pressure you can put on yourself to perform, to be “profound” or something. There’s always a subtle fear that the well just might have run dry this time. But if the goal of writing a blog every single day is to try to find the value in that day, “the something” about that day that’s actually worth writing about, the fear that the search just might end up in vein can be paralyzing. Because lying within that search for “the something” is a sometimes poorly veiled need to find our own validation. So when the inevitable day rolls around that for whatever myriad of reasons (take your pick) feels devoid of any particular meaning, silly as it sounds I can that quickly begin to wonder if that means my life is devoid of it as well. And to be honest, sometimes it’s easier to just pretend like you were never looking in the first place than to look and not find anything. That tendency to be oblivious has been a “faithful friend” to me in darker seasons…like drink to a drunk. I spent most of my 20’s declaring my utter ineptitude for relationship – that I might just not be “capable” of love – until I met a woman that loved me so well and so deeply that I had no choice but to love her back. The reality is this: there is indeed meaning in every single day of this life, some days we just don’t have eyes to see. And the deeper reality is this: that’s okay. I’m thankful that the story being told about each one of us is a long and winding one. I’m thankful that there are days, entire seasons, shrouded in mystery and even confusion. I’m thankful because those days of darkness are the stage upon which the scenes of redemption and goodness and clarity are played out. There is no resurrection without death and no truth without trial.
So that’s my “something” for today…it just took me three days to see it.